Reflections...

Now I'm convinced I have hearing loss and will have to get hearing aids if I want to hear properly. I've been thinking back and trying to remember exactly when did I start having hearing problems. I remember when my brother and I first moved to Georgia to live with our dad. My dad's girlfriend and my dad took us to this clinic to get our eyes and ears checked before we could start school. I cheated on the hearing test. I raised my hand saying I'd heard the beep when I wasn't sure if I had and I kept at it. Now my dad tells me of stories where he and his girlfriend would stand behind me and call my name but I wouldn't respond. Now that I think about it I've always had a hard time hearing. When I was younger I just learned ways to cope and deal with it. I don't think blaring headphones in my ears helped much.

I dealt with it and it wasn't too bad as long as people spoke up. But I think it was getting worst when I was in high school because I could never hear what my friends were saying especially if they whispered (I couldn't do the whispering thing. I always missed what was said) or were talking while we were in the hallway during class. One day I was walking with one of my friends, we were headed to Spanish and she was talking about something. I couldn't hear or understand a word she said so I just smiled and nodded my head pretending like I could hear her. This usually worked but that day it didn't. At one point when I nodded and smiled she just looked at me. I realized that she had asked me a question and I hadn't heard it. I had her repeat it and still couldn't understand and just said 'yeah.' After that, 'huh' and 'what' became my most used words. I didn't want to be caught like that again so I try to make people repeat themselves. I also started avoiding my friends in the halls so I wouldn't have to struggle to hear them.

As I got older my hearing definitely got worse. But I never really paid attention to it. I am realizing now that a lot of my problems were because of hearing loss. When I started college I think my hearing was deteriorating and I was having a hard time compensating. I always had to sit in front of the class and even then I only caught half of what the professor said. I loved it when a professor had a powerpoint because it meant I could follow along better. I started withdrawing more and begging off going to restaurants and the movies. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV with the captions than deal with having to ask people to repeat themselves constantly or just not getting what they said. After awhile I always decide it's not that important and stop having people repeat themselves. I pretend I can hear by saying 'yeah' or whatever else. 

I guess I should have figured it out but I never did until last month. I didn't even put it together until then. Now I know and I am doing something about it. I may have lost half of my hearing already but I will do what I can to maintain the rest of it.