Noise Cancelling Headphones for the Hard of Hearing Girl...Probably Not a Good Idea

I have these noise cancelling headphones that I love. They go into my ear so I can't fit them in there with my hearing aids and naturally the hearing aids have to go. Yesterday I was getting out of my car and a car was driving pass when the driver stopped and backed up. I thought she wanted my spot until I turned and saw that someone had gotten into the car beside mine and was backing out. I had not heard her at all; I didn't hear her get into the car or start the car. And then today I was walking and almost walked in front of a car. I didn't hear it coming. That kind of made me nervous. Maybe noice cancelling headphones are the best for me since I can't hear anyway. But I really like them; I like just being able to hear my music and none of the other noises. I'll just have to be more vigilant and look around to make sure I know what's going on around me. I usually do but my mind has been somewhere else this week.

Beautiful Language...ASL

Because I discovered I was hard of hearing and needed hearing aids I decided to take American Sign Language. My audiologist has told me many times that my hearing will only get worst and that there is that possibility of going completely deaf. So when I made the decision to go back to school to finish my English degree I decided to do a Bachelor of Arts and take ASL for the language core. I don't regret it at all. While it hasn't been easy I love learning ASL and talking with my hands. It still surprises me that I can understand it and I can have full signed conversations. I've discovered a new culture of people who know what I am going through and understand the frustrations I may have.

Last semester I had a pretty tough professor, Mr. Holland, who required a lot out of us and gave us so many assignments that required us to get up in front of the class and do presentations. He also required us to go to Deaf events which allowed me to meet some people. It felt pretty good to be able to have conversations with them. Because Mr. Holland was so tough he forced me to take the language that much more serious and I worked really hard to learn new words and am able to sign better. I love learning this new language and look forward to learning so much more.

What Its Really Like to Have Hearing Loss

Did some more research trying to find something when I came across a few websites that depict hearing loss very well. I've posted the links below. If you know someone with hearing loss and want to know what it's like these websites are really good at letting you experience that.

Starkey Hearing Loss Simulator

Hearing Like Me Simulator

Youtube Video Hearing Loss Example

NPR Article

I was searching Google for hearing loss blogs when I found this NPR article that talks about hearing loss. What's so interesting about this piece is that it added soundbites of what it sounds like when you have hearing loss, which is really cool. It was spot on. It depicts what I go through when I am trying to hear things without my hearing aids and even talks about recruitment, which is a weird phenomenon where as sounds get louder, they quickly go from being inaudible to painfully loud. And it really hurts and is uncomfortable. I thought this site was interesting so I've added it below so that people who don't deal with hearing loss can see what people who have to deal with go through and maybe help them understand.

The Real Sounds Of Hearing Loss

This is picture is showing that you can either wear the protective earmuffs when in loud situation or you'll be wearing hearing aids later. Powerful.

Furstrations of a Hard of Hearing Girl

For my ASL 2010 class I had to read chapter 4 of The Deaf Community in America: History in the Making and there was this section explaining what it is like to be deaf and hard of hearing. As I read I was like "yeah, that's right!" People seem to think that just because you have hearing aids everything is perfect. It is still artificial hearing and sometimes I still can't hear what people are saying. Sometimes the hearing aids are uncomfortable or everything is too loud so I don't wear them. On top of being hard of hearing I have this sensitivity to sounds. When things, the world, is too loud the sound gets distorted and it hurts. My audiologist told me the name for this and why it is happening and I understand but others don't always get it. People have said to me "How are you hard of hearing but something is too loud?"Even after explaining exactly what it is that is going on I still get the same reaction and it is so frustrating. I like how this text explained it and I will now do the same when people act ignorant or are just rude and not understanding.

HARD OF HEARING

• Hard of hearing people can hear many sounds, but not all sounds.
• Hearing aids are often helpful for hard of hearing people.
• People who wear hearing aids usually cannot hear everything. If you see someone wearing a hearing aid, don't think the person can hear everything you say.
• Being hard of hearing is like watching television with the sound turned low, so that you can barely hear.
• Or it is like trying to play with a toy car that has two wheels missing. You can play with it, but it does not work as well as a car with all four wheels.
• Some hard of hearing people with hearing aids understand only a few words; others understand many words.
• Some hard of hearing people have good speech; others do not speak clearly.

With this list I fall in the category of the hard of hearing person that can sometimes only understand a few words with my hearing aids especially if the person speaks really low or has a soft voice. I also do not speak clearly, I mumble according to others but it sounds clear to me. I also sound loud to myself so I don't like to speak too loud because it is weird. Reading that list just resonated with me because I could relate and it was like they were talking to me. I get so frustrated and angry when people who should understand just don't. They think you're making things up or just being difficult when that's not it at all. I can understand that dealing with someone who has a "disability" is difficult but you should really think about the person who has the "disability" and try to image how hard it is for them to live with it and deal with it without making it harder.


Reference
Melvia M. Nomeland. The Deaf Community in America: History in the Making (Kindle Locations 929-931). Kindle Edition.

Fall Semester '14

I am nervous about this upcoming semester because I have to take creative nonfiction and a theory class. I don't know what to expect of the creative nonfiction class. I guess I'd have to write true stories but that's what's so frightening. Maybe I could write about my hearing problems, or Hannah, or my ankle issues. I'm not sure. I guess I'll find out when the class starts. The literary theory class really scares me because I took the lower division class and I did not do well in it. I didn't quite understand the point of the class or what was being taught. It's not like I have a choice I have to take these classes. Oh well. I'll see how it goes. *Sigh*

Surgery was a Success!!!

I went to the hospital on Wednesday morning (4/30) and I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be. I checked in and it didn’t take that long before I was taken back to my room. The nurse who took my blood pressure and inserted the IV was really nice and friendly. She made it easy to not be as nervous. After a while I was given some medicine to relax while they gave me a nerve block. The needle was huge but the block was worth it. My leg stayed numb for 24-hours. It took a while longer before they wheeled me back to surgery because we had to wait on the doctor to finish with his other surgery.

Around 8:45ish the nurses came and wheeled me to the operation room and put me onto the table. They had me breathe in and out this mask and the next thing I know I’m waking up coughing and struggling to breathe. Because I couldn’t talk I was using ASL to communicate. I signed 'Water' and was going to Fingerspell it before I realized that they didn’t understand. I was having trouble breathing and coughing because they used a breathing tube on me since they put me under general anesthesia. They rolled me into recovery and got my dad.

I learned that my tendons were just fine. They weren’t torn or anything. I did have an excess amount of scar tissue and inflammation and there was still some bone spurs or bone fragments from before. Instead of a cast I was put into a splint which I can remove at home in a week. I will be non-weight bearing for only 2 weeks now then start physical therapy. I won’t have to use my whole summer to recover now and I can get an internship and find a job.

I’m happy for that and happy that my ankle can be better after this surgery. I will do everything the doctor and physical therapist tell me to so that I can recover fully and live pain free.

Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow’s the big day! Finally time time for my surgery. I’ve stressed myself out so much now I’m calm and just ready for this to be over. Ready to start the recovery process and healing this ankle.

It's Official

I went to the doctor in the beginning of this month and it’s now official: I need surgery and am going forward with it. I have scheduled my surgery for April 30th. I am really nervous about it because I’ve had surgery on the same ankle before and worry about it not being necessary like the other one. But the constant pain and inability to do anything lets me know that something is seriously wrong with my ankle. Six years of pain is enough. I have to do this surgery and hope and pray that everything turns out okay.

Bad News...

Today I was fired from my job. I had bronchitis and had to miss almost a week. I work in a call center and they worked on a point system. You could only get 14 points before they fired you and it didn't matter your reasons or anything. It sucked to be let go from another job; I liked the people I worked with. My boss looked like she was going to cry making me almost cry but I held it together. When I got home I got onto the computer to apply for unemployment. There was nothing I could do about the job so I needed to move on and try to find another job and in the mean time see if I can get some assistance from the unemployment office. I really liked that job. It was fun to work there and it was right up the street from school.

First Semester Back is A Wrap

I got through my first semester successfully. I am glad that's over. I survived. I did relative okay grade wise. I got two As and two Bs. I got a B in ASL; I did better than I'd expected and kept up just fine. Only three more semesters to go. Having my hearing aids was a success and made life easier. I'm ready to move on to the next semester and be done with school.

What If...

I was driving home from school today listening to my music so loud that it filled the car and then I had a thought: what if I go deaf? I'd never be able to hear music again. It seems like the fact that I am hard of hearing and have to wear hearing aids and am learning ASL hit me all at once in that moment. I don't know why but it finally hit me. The magnitude of my hearing loss and the fact that it'll never get better. I can't have surgery to fix it and it'll only get worst as the years go on despite the hearing aids. I could go deaf. I could be profoundly deaf by the time I am in my forties. I couldn't deal with it. I freaked out about it a lot. The rest of the drive home was depressing with all of these thoughts running through my head. I need and love music. I use to uplift me when I'm down. What if I couldn't hear my families voices? How will I communicate with them? I'd know ASL but they won' know it. By the time I got home I got myself under control.

Why it took almost 2 years for the magnitude of being hard of hearing to hit me I don't know. From the time I found out until now my life has been jammed pack. At first I was focused on figuring out how to finance and get hearing aids. Then I started working with Hannah who was a freaking handful. She took up so much of my time and had me worrying about her all the time. That child was my life for a year and a half and I tried everything I could to help her and get her back home but it never worked out. I went on a trip to Maryland and Georgia right after I got the hearing aids. And since that time I've been dealing with an ankle issue that I've done so much for. MRI's, X-Rays, Bone Scans, rest, physical therapy. And other life events like babies being born and other stuff. It's crazy that it hit me now. I guess I've slowed down enough to be able handle being hit with this overwhelming feeling of dread. Before I wouldn't have been able to deal with that and I'm glad it just hit me now.

I was depressed for a few days but I realized that it'll be okay. I have my hearing aids. I'm learning ASL and I have a supportive family that would learn it or we'd figure out a way to communicate. It's fine.

Using My Hearing Aids

When I first got the hearing aids it was so overwhelming and it took me months to get used to them and use them regularly. They've improved my life dramatically but they aren't perfect. Just because I have them doesn't mean I can hear perfectly. I still don't wear them in the car or at home because it's too noisy but I do wear them at work. It has helped a lot with talking on the phone and interacting with my co-workers. Now that I am back in school I am so grateful to have my hearing aids. I can hear my teachers clearly no matter where I sit in class. I can follow along better in class. I've also been more social because of my hearing aids. I am able to have conversations without pretending that I understood. I also participate more in class because I actually hear the question. I'll never have perfect hearing, it'll always be artificial but it is so much better than the muffled world I was in before.

Finally Back in School

I am finally going back to school for good this time. After all the stops and starts I'm happy it's finally working. I've been out for 2 1/2 years and it seems all of the conditions are right this time. I made it through the first three days fine. My ankle wasn't too swollen or anything and I was going at night and I was only taking four classes. I'd still decided to take the ASL classes even though it made me nervous to take a language. I hoped I could keep up and wouldn't end up dropping out.

Before school started I went to the accessibility office and got approved for services. I chose to have the amplifier but they didn't have any so they assigned me a transcriber. Someone would come to class and take notes for me. I used them for the first two days of classes but I also used my hearing aids. By now I've gotten used to them. It's been over a year since I've gotten them so I've adjusted. They worked well in class and I was able to hear my teachers just fine. I don't know if I'll use the accessibility services.

Triple Phase Bone Scan Appt

I've been going to a pain specialist doctor and he thought I should get a bone scan. I went to get it done today. I went to the hospital in Provo. After I was checked in, I was injected with a dye. I had to wait 2 hours after that before the scan. The scan didn't take that long. They'll send the results to the doctor.

Leave of Absence

So I had to drop my classes. After three days of school my ankle swelled up so bad I didn't know how I'd go back. I took a leave of absence and dropped my classes. It was for the best, if I couldn't walk I couldn't go to class. It's disappointing but it is what it is.

Going Back to School

I haven't posted in awhile. I ended up being on bed rest for two months and it was hard to use my computer with one leg elevated. I only left the house to go see Hannah and do little things. I started a new job in August but it was only temporary and lasted until October but it was for the best because my ankle gave out on me again. Now I think my ankle is feeling better so I am starting school today. I'm taking a weekend class which started today. It's going to take a few days to get back into the swing of going to school again. Now that I'm not going to be a lawyer anymore I have to figure out what it is I want to do so I have to take this degree seriously and come up with some options. I did decide to take American Sign Language as precautionary measure.

MRI

I had an MRI on my ankle on Wednesday. I've been having problems with since I got back from my trip. Once the cortisone wore off the pain became unbearable. I went to a new doctor who prescribed physical therapy. When that didn't work he ordered an MRI which I did on Wednesday; it was an experience. The machine was loud but they gave me headphones so I could listen to music. I had to stay completely still for a long time.

On Friday, the doctor called with the results stating that my peroneal tendon was inflamed and there was some scarring. He basically put me on bedrest. I had to wear my walking boot at all times and keep my ankle elevated. I had to ice it twice a day for twenty minutes. I didn't like hearing that but I'd do what I was told because I was tired of dealing with ankle pain.

Trip to Maryland and Georgia

For two weeks I visited Georgia and Maryland. I went to Maryland first for a week. My mom and brothers live there. I hadn't seen my mom in a couple of years, since my graduation and the same with my brother Chris. I hadn't seen my brother, D'Juan in almost four years. I was really happy to see them. I got in late Tuesday night so there wasn't much talking and stuff. My mom had to go to work so I spent the next day with my brothers. I walked to the store with D'Juan and we talked. It was nice to hang out to be able to walk. Before I'd come on this trip in December I'd messed up my ankle again so I'd gotten a cortisone shot, so my ankle was feeling great. The week went by fine. My mom took off Thursday and Friday so we hung out watching TV and I got books and movies from her. I had conversations with my brothers and we watched movies together. On Saturday, my mom and I went took a day trip to Washington D.C. We went to the Holocaust museum and the Smithsonian. After we went to this great restaurant that had the best chilli cheese burger I'd ever had and a pretty good shake. That night I forced my brothers to take pictures. Sunday was a lazy day for us. My mom took a nap while I covertly watched golf because my mom hates sports. When she woke up we watched a movie and just hung out.

I left Maryland the following Tuesday to fly to Georgia. It was an uneventful trip. Ms. Tammy, my sister's mom, picked me up from the airport. I hadn't seen her since 2006 when I visited just after moving to Utah before going to my family reunion in Louisiana. I was weary of seeing her because it'd been so long and a long time since I'd talked to her but she was fine and we talked. We stopped and got something to eat from Wendy's before heading back to her house. I'd texted my best friend, Tierra, to let her know I was at Ms. Tammy's. The entire drive to the house I was very nervous. My sister and I weren't on the best of terms. I hadn't seen her since 2006 also and a few years ago she stopped talking to me. I didn't really know what to expect but she was welcoming. Later that night my friend stopped by just so we could see each other. It'd been six years since I'd seen her. I'd missed my best friend. The next day Asia had to go to school so I hung out with Ms. Tammy and her son. She took me to get my nails done then we had lunch at Chick Fil A. That night Asia went to some church thing while I went out to dinner at Macaroni Grill with Ms. Tammy, her husband, and the baby. I had a nice time but I hadn't really spent anytime with Asia or Tierra and I hadn't even met Tierra's son.

The next day, Asia was out of school so we spent the day out and went to get something to eat. We decided to go see a movie so Ms. Tammy dropped her son at the daycare. Her husband would pick him up later. We went to see Red Tails. This gave me the opportunity to use my hearing aids. I hadn't used them much this trip. It didn't go as well as I expected. There was too much noise from the movie so I couldn't always hear what the actors were saying. I spent a lot of the movie adjusting the volume and settings to get it right but it never worked and I gave up. I tried to focus on the movie. It was fun hanging out with Asia and Ms. Tammy and listening to music. Later that night I went out with Asia, Tierra, and her son. We went to the mall before going to Golden Corral for dinner. It was like old times hanging out with them. I'd missed them a lot and really enjoyed myself. On Thursday, I went to visit  Ms. Michelle, an old friend of the family, and her daughter Zharia. Ms. Michelle was at work so I waited until Zharia got home. We watched movies and ordered pizza. Ms. Michelle got home later that night after school. I talked with her until she had to go lie down. I went back to Ms. Tammy's the next day. I finally got to see Ms. Barbara, Tierra's mom, Ashleigh and Kayla, Tierra's sisters, and Mr. Paul, her stepdad. It was nice hanging out in the kitchen like we used to when I was a teenager. We laughed and talked. The rest of my trip went pretty much the same. There was one day where I was trying to watch TV but everyone else was going to sleep so it had be low and I couldn't figure out how to turn on the captions. I put on my hearing aids but there was too much other noise going on. I'm still not used to my hearing aids and am still adjusting. I can't get over all the other noise that's going on. I pay to much attention to it and miss the movie I'm watching. I hung out with everyone, going to church on Sunday before coming back home the next Tuesday.

First Experience with Hearing Aids

The moment I stepped out of the audiologist's office I wanted to run back in. Everything was so LOUD and bright. I continued on to my car hoping that once I got inside it'd shut out some of the noise but it didn't. I could still everything outside the car. The cars driving by, people talking on the street. I finally started my car and was surprised how loud it was. Everything was new. It was like I was hearing them for the first time. I went on home and just sat in the living room wearing the hearing aids. I could hear every little sound! It was amazing and jarring at the same time. I had to keep asking my dad "what's that?" I could hear my cat in the kitchen running around, his little nails on the floor and when he went to the patio door and rustled the blinds. I could hear the hum of the refrigerator. By the time I went to bed I had a terrible headache.

But I wasn't going to give up. I put my hearing aids back in the next morning and wore them on the way to work. I tried listening to the music but because the hearing aids had smart controls it kept adjusting to the music inside the car and the sounds outside the car. What was new when I got to work was the fact that the keyboard was so LOUD. I could hear myself and everyone around me clacking away on the keyboards. It was distracting. I could hear the microwave go off in the break room and myself chewing. All the sounds and everything assaulted me at once. I was overwhelmed and had to take a break. I took the hearing aids out. I had a headache again. I didn't put them back in that day.

I ended up having to go back to the audiologist to have him adjust the volume because I think they were turned up too high. It helped but not much. I just wasn't use to hearing everything and it was going to take my brain sometime. The doctor did tell me not to wear the hearing aids at work until I got used to them. He advised that I only wear them at home in short stretches as not to overwhelm myself. I took what he said into consideration and wore them sparingly for the rest of the week.

The hearing aids weren't at all what I'd expected. I never even thought of an adjustment period. I figured I'd put them on and I'd be able to hear. Well I could hear...EVERY SINGLE THING. I hadn't even thought of that. I didn't know about the little sounds because I had never heard the little sounds. I wasn't expecting to be overwhelmed and for the hearing aids to give me a serious headache. It wasn't going the way I thought it would. I couldn't just pop them in and hear what I wanted to hear. I was starting to regret getting them. If they gave me a headache and made the world so loud what was the point of them?

Kind of what it was like the first night with my hearing aids and the next few weeks.

My Hearing Aids

Getting Fitted for My Hearing Aids Today!!!!

I'm getting my hearing aids today! The appointment is at 4:30pm. I'm excited and nervous and don't know what to expect. All I know is by the end of today I will be able to hear clearly and crisply. I'll never have to say "huh?" again and I can watch TV without captions. I'll be able to do so much more like go to parties or restaurants or the movies. I'm so happy. I can't wait until 4:30pm!!!!

Final Meeting with Voc Rehab

I had my final meeting with Heidi today. I've been approved to receive hearing aids. She told me because of my income I had to pay like $300, which was nothing. I was getting $3000 hearing aids for $300, I couldn't complain. She answered my questions about what was the next step. After I left I set up an appointment with the audiologist to get my hearing aids and to pay the fee. I was getting so close and excited. Soon life wouldn't be so hard. I'd be able to hear and have conversations without frustrating people and I could stop avoiding soft spoken people. I was excited and anxious to have the hearing aids in my hands to use.

Twice a Week

I've upped my visits with Hannah to twice a week because she is still struggling. I meet with her on Tuesday and Thursday around 4:30pm when I get off work. I go straight from my job to her foster home. I work with her on homework and sign off on her planner when we are done. If we have time I'll take her to get something to eat or we'd play a game. She's warming up to me and I don't feel like she's being manipulative at all. She tells me the truth about her homework and does what I tell her to do. I wish she'd just do her work so we could spend our time doing something fun but until she's caught up and doing better.

LSAT Results

I got my LSAT results back on the 4th and while I did better than I did the first time I don't know if it is good enough to get into law school. I'm sure some school will accept me. I will start applying to schools now and keep my fingers crossed. I hate that I am so bad at standardized test. I just get so nervous and well whatever. We'll see.

Principle Meeting

I met with Hannah's principle, Mr. Stevenson, and he informed me that Hannah is basically failing all of her classes. She has N's in all of them. After the meeting I emailed her teacher who was very helpful and let me know what Hannah needs help with. She is a bright, smart girl but she isn't organized or always motivated. Her teacher even gave me the login information so that I'd be able to keep track of her grades. I've decided that I will try to help Hannah get back on track and bring her grades up. My visits with her will focus on school. I will make sure she is doing her work and stay on her case. If she does what she is supposed to do and if we have time I will take her out as an award. I'm already getting more involved than I thought I would. I like it. I like working with a child to help them reach their goals and potential. I have to do what I have to do to make sure Hannah gets to go back home with her Grandma and younger brother.

First Home Visit

I had my first home visit with Hannah today. I met her at her foster home and we talked. It was a little awkward for me because it takes me time to warm up to people and I didn't know what to talk about. I didn't know what was going on with her school and new developments on her case because this was my first visit. I have an appointment with her principle next week and her next court visit isn't until February. She seemed okay and I'm anxious to really start working with her and getting to know her. Maybe on my next visit we could go somewhere instead of staying at her foster home.

LSAT

I took the LAST this morning at UVU and I am not sure how I did. I hope I did well so I can start applying to law schools and get on to the next chapter of my life. I was nervous all night so I barely slept. I didn't do so well on my first test and my year is almost up. I want to be going to law school by Fall. We'll see how it goes once I get the results.

Met Hannah Taylor for First Time

Today I was finally able to meet Hannah and her grandmother. Her little brother, Adrian, was there too. We met at the CASA office around 4:30pm after I got off work. My first impression was that she was nice. She was being nice to her brother because they were in the conference room with me. She's a pretty girl with blond hair and blue eyes. She's kind of skinny and was quiet; she seemed nervous and weary (her file had mentioned she'd already had a few CASAs before me). Her brother is mixed half Caucasian and half Native American with light eyes, dark hair, and dark skin. Hannah's grandmother was elderly and in a wheelchair. We talked about the fact that they were from Mississippi and how they'd come here because of Hurricane Katrina. I told them that I was from the South too and that sparked a long conversation between me and her grandmother about what we missed and all that stuff. We ended the meeting with me promising to visit Hannah at her foster home the following week.

Bids

I had to get three bids from three different hearing places. The bids would show what each of these places would offer. I got my bids from Provo Hospital, Wasatch Hearing, and Edison Stanford Hearing Center. Out of the three Edison Stanford Hearing Center was the best. They offered me some top notch hearing aids, three year supply of batteries, three year warranty, and a Bluetooth and remote control that would go with the hearing aids. I liked the doctor; he was nice and I liked the office and where it was located so when I sent the bids back to Heidi I specified that I'd like to work with Edison Stanford. She hasn't gotten back with me yet so I will give it another week or two before I email her again.

In other news, I didn't get to meet Hannah yesterday. Her grandmother's car broke down but no one told me so I ended up going to the CASA office downtown (in Provo) anyway. Since I was there they let me read Hannah's file. As I read it I was tempted to tell them I didn't want to work on the case. Hannah had been put into foster care by her grandmother because she was unruly. Before she went to foster care she would throw fits and scream and hit her brother or run away. Her grandmother couldn't handle it. She feared for Hannah's safety and the safety of herself and Hannah's brother. The file talked about how Hannah was manipulative and other things that were not flattering. Basically she was a handful.

When I'd been going through my training I imagined what kind of case I'd be put on. I always imagined a case of the child had been neglected or abused and was working toward reconciliation. The child would be sweet and nice and she (I knew it would be a girl, I'd requested to work with a girl) hadn't been put into foster care by her family. I actually never even thought of that possibility. The first case they were assigning me to was one with a difficult child who liked to manipulate grown folks and pit them against one another. I sat back after reading that and contemplated if I should take the case. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to handle her. I'm not one to back down from a challenge and I had to believe that Dee, McKay, and Leah wouldn't put me on a case they didn't think I could handle. Just because Hannah wasn't what I thought she'd be didn't mean I shouldn't work her case. Maybe I'd be the adult she took to, who know but she needed someone in her corner after the life she'd had. She wasn't acting out for no reason. I gave the file back to Dee and she told me she'd email me to let me know when we could set up another meeting.

Finally... A Case

Dee emailed me today to let me know that she had a case for me. I would be working with a 11 year old girl named Hannah Taylor and I was to meet her on the 22nd. I would meet her and her grandmother at the CASA office then. I was nervous about getting on this case but I was always nervous when it came to new things. I just hoped the child liked me.

First Appointment with Voc Rehab Counselor

I had my first meeting with Heidi Immell today. I learned that she is deaf. That was surprising but it was good. She hadn't been born deaf so she knew what it was like to slowly lose your hearing and how difficult it can be to try to communicate. During the meeting she asked me what I did for work and to explain my situation. I did and by the end she felt she could help me given that I did another hearing test at Intermountain Healthcare Hearing and Balance Center in Provo. She told me to schedule another appointment which I did for December 7.

Sworn In...I'm Officially a CASA Worker!!!

I've finished my training and I've done court observation. The only thing that was left to do was to be sworn in by a judge in court. Today that happened! So that officially makes me a CASA. I had to go to a court in Spanish Fork to be sworn in. I am terrible with directions and finding places so I was nervous about getting loss. I made sure to give myself plenty of time to get there and factor in the possibility of getting loss. I had to be there at 4:30pm so I got off work around 2pm. I ended up getting there early, before Leah or Dee arrived. I stood around waiting with the other people who were going to be sworn in also. When Dee arrived we went into the courtroom and it was a quick ceremony of us standing up and raising our right hand and you know the rest. We took a picture with the judge and that was that. I was happy because I could finally start working on case with a child. I could start helping someone. Now all I need is a case. I hope Dee emails with something sooner rather than later.

Insight

I was complaining to my coworker about the cost of hearing aids today when she recommended that I look into Vocational Rehabilitation. I went to to the website and got their number. I called and was told I'd have to go to an initial meeting before getting a counselor. The receptionist told me the times and that no appointment was needed. My initial meeting with Voc Rehab was on October 5th. That was my day off so I was able to go, there were a lot of other people there, all ages so I didn't feel so self-conscious. I had to watch a video about what Vocational Rehabilitation is and other stuff. After I asked the guy who'd been in charge if he thought Voc Rehab would be able to help me. I explained my situation and he thought they would be able to help so I made an appointment with Heidi Immell who would be my counselor. I'm still going forward with Audient in case the Voc Rehab doesn't work out. I have an appointment with another audiologist at Hearing and Balance Center for the Audient program at 1pm. They want to see exactly how bad my hearing is before they can offer any assistance.

Today's My Birthday!!! But...

Today is my 23rd birthday. It was fine. I got cookie cake at work and my coworker made me a homemade cheesecake which is my favorite. But being a year older got me to thinking about where I'll be in another 20 years. I'm twenty-three and my hearing has declined so much, does that mean I'll be deaf by the time I'm in my forties? If that happens how will I communicate with my family and friends? How will I deal with being deaf? It's my birthday I shouldn't be thing such morbid thoughts. If it happens I'm sure I'll deal with like I deal with everything, fret over for a little while and eventually find a suitable solution. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day. I do love birthdays!

Happy birthday to me!

Options, Options

So after three audiograms came back with the same results I am sure I have a hearing problem. After doing more research on hearing aids I know I can't afford to pay for them without some assistance. I've started researching options for paying for them. I needed to find a place that would do financing or help me get them at a reduce cost. I found some options that would help me. Only two seemed relevant to me, Audient Program and Lions Clubs International. I put in an application for Audient Program. I'm just hoping to reduce the cost enough so I can use my moms's medical card to purchase them.

Reflections...

Now I'm convinced I have hearing loss and will have to get hearing aids if I want to hear properly. I've been thinking back and trying to remember exactly when did I start having hearing problems. I remember when my brother and I first moved to Georgia to live with our dad. My dad's girlfriend and my dad took us to this clinic to get our eyes and ears checked before we could start school. I cheated on the hearing test. I raised my hand saying I'd heard the beep when I wasn't sure if I had and I kept at it. Now my dad tells me of stories where he and his girlfriend would stand behind me and call my name but I wouldn't respond. Now that I think about it I've always had a hard time hearing. When I was younger I just learned ways to cope and deal with it. I don't think blaring headphones in my ears helped much.

I dealt with it and it wasn't too bad as long as people spoke up. But I think it was getting worst when I was in high school because I could never hear what my friends were saying especially if they whispered (I couldn't do the whispering thing. I always missed what was said) or were talking while we were in the hallway during class. One day I was walking with one of my friends, we were headed to Spanish and she was talking about something. I couldn't hear or understand a word she said so I just smiled and nodded my head pretending like I could hear her. This usually worked but that day it didn't. At one point when I nodded and smiled she just looked at me. I realized that she had asked me a question and I hadn't heard it. I had her repeat it and still couldn't understand and just said 'yeah.' After that, 'huh' and 'what' became my most used words. I didn't want to be caught like that again so I try to make people repeat themselves. I also started avoiding my friends in the halls so I wouldn't have to struggle to hear them.

As I got older my hearing definitely got worse. But I never really paid attention to it. I am realizing now that a lot of my problems were because of hearing loss. When I started college I think my hearing was deteriorating and I was having a hard time compensating. I always had to sit in front of the class and even then I only caught half of what the professor said. I loved it when a professor had a powerpoint because it meant I could follow along better. I started withdrawing more and begging off going to restaurants and the movies. I'd rather stay at home and watch TV with the captions than deal with having to ask people to repeat themselves constantly or just not getting what they said. After awhile I always decide it's not that important and stop having people repeat themselves. I pretend I can hear by saying 'yeah' or whatever else. 

I guess I should have figured it out but I never did until last month. I didn't even put it together until then. Now I know and I am doing something about it. I may have lost half of my hearing already but I will do what I can to maintain the rest of it. 

Another Free Hearing with a Different Doctor

I had my second hearing test yesterday and the results were more or less the same. This audiologist didn't try to push her hearing aids off on me. She seemed to realize that this was big news. Finding out that I've already lost almost half of my hearing was something that I had to adjust to. I asked her how this could happen. She explained that exposure to loud noise constantly like headphones or it could be hereditary. She let me know that I could come back when I was ready to purchase hearing aids. I thanked her and left. When I got home I called my mom to give her the news. She let me talk but we mostly talked about solutions. I told my dad when he got home and he was in solution mode instantly. I spent the rest of the night searching for cheaper options for hearing aids. I knew there had to be some cheaper than Miracle Ear and I was right. Miracle Ear was among some of the most expensive I came across.

As I did my research I couldn't help but notice that all the brochures and pictures on the websites featured older people. There were no hearing aid websites that I went to that showed young people enjoying life with their new hearing aids. That made me feel somewhat like a freak and old even though I wasn't. I wondered what this meant; I need hearing aids. But I didn't let myself dwell too long because I needed them and needed to find a way to get them. Medical insurance doesn't cover hearing aids and while the ones I found were cheaper than Miracle Ear they were still above my price range. The cheapest were around $900+. I didn't have that kind of money. I also set up appointments with a couple of other audiologist that offered free hearing tests. It didn't hurt to get third and fourth opinions.

Free Hearing Test Appointment

So I finally decided to go to the ear doctor and get my hearing checked today. It's been a few weeks since I went to the movies and discovered that something may be wrong with my hearing. I don't like doctors or anything so I didn't schedule an appointment right away. What made me schedule is all of the frustration I have at work. I cannot understand what my co-worker, Georgia, is saying half the time and I usually try to avoid talking to her face to face. I work in customer service, I'm on the phone all day long and I am constantly having to have customer's repeat themselves. They get frustrated and irritated when you ask them to repeat themselves especially if they are already a little ticked off.

Anyway after a particularly difficult call yesterday I did a search for hearing doctors and found a few. I went with Miracle Ear because they offered a free test. I had my appointment today at 4:30pm. The doctor did his test and told me I had what was called Sensorineural Hearing Loss. It’s not curable with surgery or anything. I would need hearing aids. He started pushing his company’s hearing aids which were like $5000 to $7000. At that moment I didn’t know if I could trust his diagnosis. It was a free test and it seemed like a scam to get me to shell out thousands of dollars. I told him thank you and left. I called my mom and told her about it and she advised me to get a second opinion. My dad told me the same thing. So I guess I need to do some more research and find another doctor and go for another test.

Disappointed

I registered for classes and was ready to start school on Aug. 29. I am going to finish my English degree.  But going to school would require me to work part-time and with a teenage boy in the house we really couldn't afford that. So I had to withdraw from classes and it hurt. I hated that I had to put what I wanted on the back burner but I'll deal. And when the time is right I'll try again.

New House Guest

My cousin came to live with us. He got here on Sunday. I haven't seen him since he was a kid and didn't even recognize him when he walked by us. Luckily my dad recognized him and called out his name. The first couple of days with him here hasn't been too bad. He had a bad trip coming here with so many delays and running out of money and couldn't eat so I spent all of Monday trying to get in contact with Greyhound. We'll see how it goes. I'm nervous about having a teenage boy here. They eat so much and can be kind of messy but we'll see.

I Can't Hear...

I went to see The Help yesterday with my friend. I loved the movie, I read the book two times and I was happy Heather went with me but something wasn't quite right. As I sat in the theater trying to watch the movie I realized that I couldn't really  hear what was being said on the screen. I only caught half of what was said and was only able to follow along because I'd already read the book so many times.  It was weird because I knew I should be able to hear the movie. No I'm not saying that right I could "hear" the sounds and voices I couldn't understand what they were saying. I thought about the fact that everytime I see a movie in theater I have to rent the DVD when it comes out so that I can put on the Closed Captions and really follow the movie. I always miss something when I go to the theaters but it's still not as bad as it as this past weekend. I don't know what was happening but what happened at the movies made me realize something might not be right with my ears. I guess I'd have to try to figure out what to do.