First Semester Back is A Wrap

I got through my first semester successfully. I am glad that's over. I survived. I did relative okay grade wise. I got two As and two Bs. I got a B in ASL; I did better than I'd expected and kept up just fine. Only three more semesters to go. Having my hearing aids was a success and made life easier. I'm ready to move on to the next semester and be done with school.

What If...

I was driving home from school today listening to my music so loud that it filled the car and then I had a thought: what if I go deaf? I'd never be able to hear music again. It seems like the fact that I am hard of hearing and have to wear hearing aids and am learning ASL hit me all at once in that moment. I don't know why but it finally hit me. The magnitude of my hearing loss and the fact that it'll never get better. I can't have surgery to fix it and it'll only get worst as the years go on despite the hearing aids. I could go deaf. I could be profoundly deaf by the time I am in my forties. I couldn't deal with it. I freaked out about it a lot. The rest of the drive home was depressing with all of these thoughts running through my head. I need and love music. I use to uplift me when I'm down. What if I couldn't hear my families voices? How will I communicate with them? I'd know ASL but they won' know it. By the time I got home I got myself under control.

Why it took almost 2 years for the magnitude of being hard of hearing to hit me I don't know. From the time I found out until now my life has been jammed pack. At first I was focused on figuring out how to finance and get hearing aids. Then I started working with Hannah who was a freaking handful. She took up so much of my time and had me worrying about her all the time. That child was my life for a year and a half and I tried everything I could to help her and get her back home but it never worked out. I went on a trip to Maryland and Georgia right after I got the hearing aids. And since that time I've been dealing with an ankle issue that I've done so much for. MRI's, X-Rays, Bone Scans, rest, physical therapy. And other life events like babies being born and other stuff. It's crazy that it hit me now. I guess I've slowed down enough to be able handle being hit with this overwhelming feeling of dread. Before I wouldn't have been able to deal with that and I'm glad it just hit me now.

I was depressed for a few days but I realized that it'll be okay. I have my hearing aids. I'm learning ASL and I have a supportive family that would learn it or we'd figure out a way to communicate. It's fine.

Using My Hearing Aids

When I first got the hearing aids it was so overwhelming and it took me months to get used to them and use them regularly. They've improved my life dramatically but they aren't perfect. Just because I have them doesn't mean I can hear perfectly. I still don't wear them in the car or at home because it's too noisy but I do wear them at work. It has helped a lot with talking on the phone and interacting with my co-workers. Now that I am back in school I am so grateful to have my hearing aids. I can hear my teachers clearly no matter where I sit in class. I can follow along better in class. I've also been more social because of my hearing aids. I am able to have conversations without pretending that I understood. I also participate more in class because I actually hear the question. I'll never have perfect hearing, it'll always be artificial but it is so much better than the muffled world I was in before.

Finally Back in School

I am finally going back to school for good this time. After all the stops and starts I'm happy it's finally working. I've been out for 2 1/2 years and it seems all of the conditions are right this time. I made it through the first three days fine. My ankle wasn't too swollen or anything and I was going at night and I was only taking four classes. I'd still decided to take the ASL classes even though it made me nervous to take a language. I hoped I could keep up and wouldn't end up dropping out.

Before school started I went to the accessibility office and got approved for services. I chose to have the amplifier but they didn't have any so they assigned me a transcriber. Someone would come to class and take notes for me. I used them for the first two days of classes but I also used my hearing aids. By now I've gotten used to them. It's been over a year since I've gotten them so I've adjusted. They worked well in class and I was able to hear my teachers just fine. I don't know if I'll use the accessibility services.

Triple Phase Bone Scan Appt

I've been going to a pain specialist doctor and he thought I should get a bone scan. I went to get it done today. I went to the hospital in Provo. After I was checked in, I was injected with a dye. I had to wait 2 hours after that before the scan. The scan didn't take that long. They'll send the results to the doctor.

Leave of Absence

So I had to drop my classes. After three days of school my ankle swelled up so bad I didn't know how I'd go back. I took a leave of absence and dropped my classes. It was for the best, if I couldn't walk I couldn't go to class. It's disappointing but it is what it is.

Going Back to School

I haven't posted in awhile. I ended up being on bed rest for two months and it was hard to use my computer with one leg elevated. I only left the house to go see Hannah and do little things. I started a new job in August but it was only temporary and lasted until October but it was for the best because my ankle gave out on me again. Now I think my ankle is feeling better so I am starting school today. I'm taking a weekend class which started today. It's going to take a few days to get back into the swing of going to school again. Now that I'm not going to be a lawyer anymore I have to figure out what it is I want to do so I have to take this degree seriously and come up with some options. I did decide to take American Sign Language as precautionary measure.